How do I define honesty?
Honesty, for me is being real with yourself. And I say that, because sometimes we want to be so honest and open with everybody else, that we neglect the fact that we're not comfortable with the information that we're sharing.
And I had a situation like this not too long ago, I was seeing someone. And he was asking me questions about my previous dating history that I wasn't comfortable answering.
And when I asked him why he wanted to know about that particular relationship, he said, Oh, well, I'm just trying to figure things out. So I'll know what not to do and what to do, and it's like, well, you can get that from talking to me and observing me.
You know, being in my presence, who I was, then is not who I am now.
So my past relationships are not a good indication of how to interact with me how to treat me, because I was a different person with that man than I am with you. And that's just how you spend that. And I had to be real, like I did, you know, tell him about one relationship that I was in, but so rundown a past relationship, or, you know, why me and this person broke up? That's too much. That's way too much. You know, I told him about some good things from a relationship. And I told him about a couple things I didn't like, but like I said, only told him what I was comfortable with. Only told him what I felt like was necessary. Because at the end of the day, that's my business.
So if I wasn't honest with myself about my comfort level, and I just would have listened to him trying to manipulate Oh, well, you know, we got to start things with openness and honesty, and be 1,000% real. Any question you asked me, I answer it with no problems, right? That's you. You answered it with no problems because you're comfortable sharing that information, you don't care. And this person is very open about what he shares.
Now, if he's being honest, is between him and God, I don't know. You know, I can only take his word for it. However, I knew that I was not comfortable sharing all of that information. So even with honesty, I say all that to say, you have to have boundaries. Don't let people guilt you into telling everything. But then when it comes to like I said, the documentation and covering yourself and making sure that you advocate for yourself.
You definitely should be honest in those situations. However, even you have to be honest, to a certain extent, when your attorney goes in there breaking things down, they’re not explaining in exactly the way you're explaining it. They're tailoring it to fit their argument, and to get what they need to get done.
And I hate to put it that way, I really do. But this is what it is, this is the society that we're living in.
You spend something one way, and it sounds emotional, and nobody's listening to you. And now you look unstable, and you look like you can't handle your job, or you can't handle the pressures of life.
But when you focus on the backs, and you say, Hey, this is what I saw, and this is what I would like to change, boom, you get to the bottom of things, then there can be changed, because you're not having any emotional exchange.
So your feelings, you may have been honest about your feelings. But when it comes to honesty, it's about the facts. Right? Doesn't matter. I'm not gonna say it doesn't matter how you feel, I'm gonna say, how you feel, is not as impactful or effective as what the facts are. You got to break it down and make it make sense.
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